so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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