I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
