I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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