Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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