True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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