i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
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Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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