i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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