I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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