Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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