ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
