So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
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I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize