Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize