I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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