i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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