Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
