Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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