Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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