Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Congratulations! We have a period
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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