Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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