i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
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But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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