I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
