my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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