On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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