Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
