WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize