I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
