I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize