If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
