yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
