Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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