Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.