I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka