dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?