1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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