Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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