I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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