I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
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this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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