Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
