I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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