did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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