if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
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he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death