was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.