Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
