Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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