rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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