you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
this is an emotional support booty call
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
