i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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