The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
