a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize