I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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