Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
