if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
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Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
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You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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