He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
